MoonStar
17/07/05, 12:43:24
THIS SHOULD RATTLE YOUR BRAINS A LITTLE
If you ever feel stupid, then just read on.
If you've learned to speak
fluent English, you must be a genius! This
little treatise on the lovely
language we share is only for the brave.
Peruse at your leisure, English
lovers.
Reasons why the English language is so hard
to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse
more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead
out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert
in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present,
he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass
drum
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the
bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the
invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about
how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close
it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does
are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a
sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught
his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18) After a number of injections my jaw got
number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I
shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series
of tests
21) How can I intimate this to my most
intimate friend?
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in
hamburger; neither apple nor pine
in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented
in England or French fries in
France (Surprise!). Sweetmeats are candies
while sweetbreads, which aren't
sweet, are meat.
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are
square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is
it that writers write but
fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and
hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't
the plural of booth beeth? One
goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't
it seem crazy that you can
make amends but not one amend. If you have a
bunch of odds and ends and get
rid of all but one of them, what do you call
it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers
praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In
what language do people recite
at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck
and send cargo by ship? Have
noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the
same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at
the unique lunacy of a
language in which your house can burn up as it
burns down, in which you fill
in a form by filling it out, and in which, an
alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not
computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course,
is not a race at all. That
is why, when the stars are out, they are
visible, but when the lights are
out, they are invisible.
P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
:aaa8:
If you ever feel stupid, then just read on.
If you've learned to speak
fluent English, you must be a genius! This
little treatise on the lovely
language we share is only for the brave.
Peruse at your leisure, English
lovers.
Reasons why the English language is so hard
to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse
more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead
out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert
in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present,
he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass
drum
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the
bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the
invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about
how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close
it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does
are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a
sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught
his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18) After a number of injections my jaw got
number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I
shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series
of tests
21) How can I intimate this to my most
intimate friend?
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in
hamburger; neither apple nor pine
in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented
in England or French fries in
France (Surprise!). Sweetmeats are candies
while sweetbreads, which aren't
sweet, are meat.
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are
square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is
it that writers write but
fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and
hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't
the plural of booth beeth? One
goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't
it seem crazy that you can
make amends but not one amend. If you have a
bunch of odds and ends and get
rid of all but one of them, what do you call
it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers
praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In
what language do people recite
at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck
and send cargo by ship? Have
noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the
same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at
the unique lunacy of a
language in which your house can burn up as it
burns down, in which you fill
in a form by filling it out, and in which, an
alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not
computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course,
is not a race at all. That
is why, when the stars are out, they are
visible, but when the lights are
out, they are invisible.
P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
:aaa8: