Lagos
27-01-07, 12:25 AM
I hit Rage Level 9 tonight
Reply to: pers-269034915@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-26, 8:42PM PST
Now I won't consider myself stable to begin with...I'm not the average dumbshit who says "m-bye" on the telephone or politely smiles at the bouncing toddler hopping in the aisle of the bus or pads the facts to make something happier for the masses to digest. I do have chronic rage, and I rate it at levels based on what I am seeing and experiencing all around me, every day and in every way. I typically get by on Level 3 or 4; able to swallow the bullshit and go on my surly way where, once home, I can recover from the daily atrocities of living in the Western world of human existence by just reading, taking a 3-minute warm shower, or chopping vegetables.
But it's getting worse, day by day, and now entering my 33rd year on the road to death, I'm really wondering how much more I can take. I've hit dead ends several times, more frequently in my early 20s peppered with a few suicide attempts, hoping I would get lucky and just not wake up. But the reality is it is very very hard to terminate yourself unless you have truly hit the point of no return. It is terrifying to have the power of really going through with it, and for me, Rage Level 10 is the breaking point.
I am disgusted with the infestation of human overpopulation and the fact that people are respected and even rewarded by contributing more and more to the problems that face us all. The more abundant something is, no matter what it is, the less treasured and interesting it becomes. And so, I have lost nearly all respect for fellow humans. Particularly overweight, pasty, breeding Americans who are doing absolutely nothing to make our planet a better place.
The more I learn, read about the world, politics, horrific acts of control and censorship - the more I just want to bail out. Slowly, over the past few months, I am coming to the realization that humans will never, EVER, get along. There will always be conflict, whether it is across the world or across your backyard fence. Humans are far too indivualized and intelligent to live as a team and live to preserve their species and environment. Up until quite recently, I just thought "everything worked out" and it was just a few wacky inbreds spoiling it for the rest of it. Actually, it's everybody. I hate you all.
I've gone through my life with the head shakes of "gosh, you're negative" and not living up to the status of a beaming, silly blonde girl who has everything she could ever want. Because I HAVE TOO FUCKING MUCH. How can anything be amazing or fantastic when there are fifty of them sitting on the shelf for $9.99, and when you think of or say something funny or unique you are crushed to see that there are 59,000 related hits of your ingenuity on a Google search. In part I blame the Internet, though I do think it has more good points than bad. The bottom line is that everything is in decline.
I stopped paying income taxes because I do not feel entitled to fund a war of greed and waste that has absolutely nothing to do with me and my meager existence. I refuse to pave the way for fat, braindead freeloaders who are here simply because of a one night stand. It's called survival of the fittest. You work hard, you take care of yourself, you survive. I'm not here to help you it. Why should I give a flying fuck about anyone but myself when I purposely work only the exact amount of hours to cover my basic living expenses. And nothing more.
I have recurring dreams of myself and a close family member, always involving water or the ocean. Without fail. I see this as a message: water brought me into this world, water will take me out. Fuck if I'm going to be knocked down by an Oldsmobile on a Burnside sidewalk or shot in the chest by a punk ass negro in North Portland because I was "standing in their spot".
People have so many opportunities to be the best they can be, but the more that is handed down to them the worse it will get. Illiterate, junked up on drugs, and hungry? Have a kid! It's ok! Your government will help you out with cheap processed foods unfit for the animal kingdom. Luckily they are in-cahoots with the pharmaceutical giants so the more whey-tainted shit you eat the more drugs you will need to survive. Enjoy it, you fat motherfuckers.
I know I'm not alone, but ours is only a minutely small and very keen population of evolved people. In the big picture, it doesn't matter. After I'm gone, after the Walmart empire comes crashing down and all they have to show for it is an oil painting they paid $160millionUSD for, after McDonalds paper wrappers overburden every landfill in North America, after it costs you $87 to fill up your fucking stinking car with petrol - you'll tremble slightly and wonder what you did wrong. I know, you just swam with the stream, kept up with your neighbors and the cool people on the television commercials, and donated fifty bucks to "some charity" to validate your destructive existence, because you want to "give back to the community". But you are destroying it for all of us.
Go on, keep flocking to one of 14 Starbucks within a square mile radius, to buy a new paper cup (because they won't refill a used paper cup) of coffee produced by human slaves. It's drugged. Then, just throw it in the garbage. It's ok!
You're doomed, and I'm outta here. Sweet dreams. I'm having another beer.
It's Fofutio.
* Location: on Burnside
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
:6sw1: :6sw2:
Reply to: pers-269034915@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-01-26, 8:42PM PST
Now I won't consider myself stable to begin with...I'm not the average dumbshit who says "m-bye" on the telephone or politely smiles at the bouncing toddler hopping in the aisle of the bus or pads the facts to make something happier for the masses to digest. I do have chronic rage, and I rate it at levels based on what I am seeing and experiencing all around me, every day and in every way. I typically get by on Level 3 or 4; able to swallow the bullshit and go on my surly way where, once home, I can recover from the daily atrocities of living in the Western world of human existence by just reading, taking a 3-minute warm shower, or chopping vegetables.
But it's getting worse, day by day, and now entering my 33rd year on the road to death, I'm really wondering how much more I can take. I've hit dead ends several times, more frequently in my early 20s peppered with a few suicide attempts, hoping I would get lucky and just not wake up. But the reality is it is very very hard to terminate yourself unless you have truly hit the point of no return. It is terrifying to have the power of really going through with it, and for me, Rage Level 10 is the breaking point.
I am disgusted with the infestation of human overpopulation and the fact that people are respected and even rewarded by contributing more and more to the problems that face us all. The more abundant something is, no matter what it is, the less treasured and interesting it becomes. And so, I have lost nearly all respect for fellow humans. Particularly overweight, pasty, breeding Americans who are doing absolutely nothing to make our planet a better place.
The more I learn, read about the world, politics, horrific acts of control and censorship - the more I just want to bail out. Slowly, over the past few months, I am coming to the realization that humans will never, EVER, get along. There will always be conflict, whether it is across the world or across your backyard fence. Humans are far too indivualized and intelligent to live as a team and live to preserve their species and environment. Up until quite recently, I just thought "everything worked out" and it was just a few wacky inbreds spoiling it for the rest of it. Actually, it's everybody. I hate you all.
I've gone through my life with the head shakes of "gosh, you're negative" and not living up to the status of a beaming, silly blonde girl who has everything she could ever want. Because I HAVE TOO FUCKING MUCH. How can anything be amazing or fantastic when there are fifty of them sitting on the shelf for $9.99, and when you think of or say something funny or unique you are crushed to see that there are 59,000 related hits of your ingenuity on a Google search. In part I blame the Internet, though I do think it has more good points than bad. The bottom line is that everything is in decline.
I stopped paying income taxes because I do not feel entitled to fund a war of greed and waste that has absolutely nothing to do with me and my meager existence. I refuse to pave the way for fat, braindead freeloaders who are here simply because of a one night stand. It's called survival of the fittest. You work hard, you take care of yourself, you survive. I'm not here to help you it. Why should I give a flying fuck about anyone but myself when I purposely work only the exact amount of hours to cover my basic living expenses. And nothing more.
I have recurring dreams of myself and a close family member, always involving water or the ocean. Without fail. I see this as a message: water brought me into this world, water will take me out. Fuck if I'm going to be knocked down by an Oldsmobile on a Burnside sidewalk or shot in the chest by a punk ass negro in North Portland because I was "standing in their spot".
People have so many opportunities to be the best they can be, but the more that is handed down to them the worse it will get. Illiterate, junked up on drugs, and hungry? Have a kid! It's ok! Your government will help you out with cheap processed foods unfit for the animal kingdom. Luckily they are in-cahoots with the pharmaceutical giants so the more whey-tainted shit you eat the more drugs you will need to survive. Enjoy it, you fat motherfuckers.
I know I'm not alone, but ours is only a minutely small and very keen population of evolved people. In the big picture, it doesn't matter. After I'm gone, after the Walmart empire comes crashing down and all they have to show for it is an oil painting they paid $160millionUSD for, after McDonalds paper wrappers overburden every landfill in North America, after it costs you $87 to fill up your fucking stinking car with petrol - you'll tremble slightly and wonder what you did wrong. I know, you just swam with the stream, kept up with your neighbors and the cool people on the television commercials, and donated fifty bucks to "some charity" to validate your destructive existence, because you want to "give back to the community". But you are destroying it for all of us.
Go on, keep flocking to one of 14 Starbucks within a square mile radius, to buy a new paper cup (because they won't refill a used paper cup) of coffee produced by human slaves. It's drugged. Then, just throw it in the garbage. It's ok!
You're doomed, and I'm outta here. Sweet dreams. I'm having another beer.
It's Fofutio.
* Location: on Burnside
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
:6sw1: :6sw2: